i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
