I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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