I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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