you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well I just put wine in my tea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
