Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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