We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
