it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
