vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
