Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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