If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
