I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
