also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
