Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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