Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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