So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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