I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
