remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
