How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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