is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
