I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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