Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
