I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
