He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
