My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
