She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
