ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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