No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
