How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
