Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
