This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
