It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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