The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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