batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm always down for nudity.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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