Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
