I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
