how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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