I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
