my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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