i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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