he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
