I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
