Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
