He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
