One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
