Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
