I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
