I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
