I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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