Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
