You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
