i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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