I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
