My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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