He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
birth control should be required to get into college
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
