Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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