Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
