I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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