We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
