I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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