i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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